


Dysphoria

by arsenicCastellan (orphan_account)



Series: Issues [1]
Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Dysphoria, Gender Dysphoria, Implied/Referenced Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Monika messed around with natsuki, Nonbinary Natsuki, cus i wanna rant, i’m pouring my own dysphoria onto a character because i need to let it out, might do the same for yuri or sayori honestly, this was hard to write lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-19 12:00:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14873378
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/arsenicCastellan
Summary: Natsuki’s dysphoria’s starting to get worse. How much longer can she take it?





	Dysphoria

She didn’t want to say anything at first to the other members. While she’d rather talk to them than her dad, they slightly scared her. before she could talk to Sayori but now, Ş̸͔͕̣̠̟͇̦͖̩̭̙̣̂͗͗̈́̐̽̽̍͐̍̌̾̄̀̾̓͆̉̓̆̀̄̀̋̀͆̋̾̽̐͊̅̓͋̐̈̉̅̀̒̅̎͊̅̉̉̎̋̍̽̂̄̔̆̀͊͌͌͗̑̆̌͋͆͂̽͑̅̐̇̽͊͊͘͘̚͘͘̚͝͝͠͝͝͝ͅa̷̢̢̛̜̹̩̳͚̤͈̼̤̽͂̿̈̌̌̉̈́͊̂͆̈̈̑̌̌͆̂̇͐̓̀́͌̒͆̏͑̂͆̆̓̅͗̉͒̇͗̔̈́̑̾̿̓́̑͗͒̀̓̄̅̒̈̀̅̀̾̑̅͊͘͘̚̚̕̚͠͠͝͠y̵̡̡̡̡̧̧̛̠̙̟̰͔̳̬̰̱̩̻̼͈͇͈͓̲̲͉̘̺͙̻̦͍͈̣̭̜̭͓͙̖͈̳̞͕̪͍͔̝̖͍̙̜̖͔͙̙̅̂͑́͗̅̈́͋͒̉̑͒̀͋́̓̏̋̅̇͆̊̂̔̑̅͋͒̃͋̇̈́͋̄̍̀͌̅̌̑̇̈̈́̆̒̀̑̌̏̾̇̔̋̀͑̐̽̈̒̊́͌͗͒̽̏̂͌̔̂͘̕̚͜͜͝͠o̷̧̡̨̢̧̧̳͇̝͕̙̘͇̤̟̻̻̳̦̦̰̤̟̳͚̥͙̭̩̮̅̈́̍̒̈́̃̀͋͗̐͊͆͂̏̒͆͗̀̋́̀̔̎͆̀̐̑̒̏̉̀̈̍͆͌̎̉̌͘̚͜͜͝͠͝͠r̵̡͕͇̞͙̖͑͑ḯ̶̧̨̧̢̢̢̢̢̡̨̛̛̫͓͈͎̯̟͕̖̞̟̥͚̺͈̻̫̠̩͍̫̣͎͉̲̰̲̳͍̯̼̪̻̰̤̖̗̯̠̪̪̙̥̫̟͎͕͖̤͍͙͈̀̈́͗̽͌̊̄̽̈́͋̈́̔̆̈́̉̈́̍́̑̆̾̑̈́͛͐̈́͐̽̈̍͜͜͜͠͝ͅͅͅ was out of the question.

Something had happened to her and neither Monika or Yuri noticed or cared. Now Natsuki felt alone with her problems. And her problems felt worse and worse each day she woke up. 

It felt like the world was coming to a halt this morning, when she couldn’t find her binder. She’d freaked out and looked everywhere but it was gone. It aas very tempting to try something risky but she held it off. It was only one day with her chest out. She could get a new one. All would be fine.

But every waking moment, all she could think about were people looking at her. Staring at her. Judging her. Seeing the two stupid things on her chest. Laughing at them. She felt like bursting into tears at just the thought of it happening. She just wanted to go home and leave.

It just felt so wrong to her to see them everytime she walked. Everytime she breathed. Everytime she looked. After months of binding, it felt like an anomaly. An illusion maybe.

But it wasn’t an illusion. She poked them and they were solid and real. They moved. 

The day seemed to drag itself out to maximise her suffering, but finally she was at the literature club. She could hide away and read manga and not worry about people touching her or looking st her.

Or at least usually she could.

Monika was a bit more pushy and cold, making her unable to sit in the closet with her manga. She’d out her next to Yuri while she sat uncomfortably close to MC. It made her skin crawl. But if she let herself get involved she wouldn’t have to worry about Yuri looking over her shoulder or staring at her... She tried to get into it but her eyes kept drifting and moving away. It seemed to be boring one second but have the same thrill as always the next. 

At one point she grabbed a volume of Parfait Girls - something she knew she loved. The same thing happened and her eyes kept on drifting from the pages. Everything the characters said seemed to only be every breath Yuri took. Each movement she made. It all sounded so loud inside her head. 

What was happening to her? She rubbed her temples as her eyes glazed over the pages. It felt wrong. Like someone had reached into her brain and switched the wrong levers just to watch her squirm. 

As silently as she could, she slammed her manga shut and put it into her bag. With a quick glabce at the time, she saw that barely fifteen minutes had passed in what felt like forever. She ran for the door but slowed when she felt her chest bob up and down. 

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Yuri glancing at her worridley. Or not. Yuri was an emotionless bitch half the time and the other half was just her being a bitch.

It took Natsuki most of the walk home to realise what she’d thought. Yuri wasn’t emotionless or a bitch mostly. What was she thinking. Tears started to prick at her eyes as she sat down on a nearby bench. 

Something was up. Something had happened with Ş̸͔͕̣̠̟͇̦͖̩̭̙̣̂͗͗̈́̐̽̽̍͐̍̌̾̄̀̾̓͆̉̓̆̀̄̀̋̀͆̋̾̽̐͊̅̓͋̐̈̉̅̀̒̅̎͊̅̉̉̎̋̍̽̂̄̔̆̀͊͌͌͗̑̆̌͋͆͂̽͑̅̐̇̽͊͊͘͘̚͘͘̚͝͝͠͝͝͝ͅa̷̢̢̛̜̹̩̳͚̤͈̼̤̽͂̿̈̌̌̉̈́͊̂͆̈̈̑̌̌͆̂̇͐̓̀́͌̒͆̏͑̂͆̆̓̅͗̉͒̇͗̔̈́̑̾̿̓́̑͗͒̀̓̄̅̒̈̀̅̀̾̑̅͊͘͘̚̚̕̚͠͠͝͠y̵̡̡̡̡̧̧̛̠̙̟̰͔̳̬̰̱̩̻̼͈͇͈͓̲̲͉̘̺͙̻̦͍͈̣̭̜̭͓͙̖͈̳̞͕̪͍͔̝̖͍̙̜̖͔͙̙̅̂͑́͗̅̈́͋͒̉̑͒̀͋́̓̏̋̅̇͆̊̂̔̑̅͋͒̃͋̇̈́͋̄̍̀͌̅̌̑̇̈̈́̆̒̀̑̌̏̾̇̔̋̀͑̐̽̈̒̊́͌͗͒̽̏̂͌̔̂͘̕̚͜͜͝͠o̷̧̡̨̢̧̧̳͇̝͕̙̘͇̤̟̻̻̳̦̦̰̤̟̳͚̥͙̭̩̮̅̈́̍̒̈́̃̀͋͗̐͊͆͂̏̒͆͗̀̋́̀̔̎͆̀̐̑̒̏̉̀̈̍͆͌̎̉̌͘̚͜͜͝͠͝͠r̵̡͕͇̞͙̖͑͑ḯ̶̧̨̧̢̢̢̢̢̡̨̛̛̫͓͈͎̯̟͕̖̞̟̥͚̺͈̻̫̠̩͍̫̣͎͉̲̰̲̳͍̯̼̪̻̰̤̖̗̯̠̪̪̙̥̫̟͎͕͖̤͍͙͈̀̈́͗̽͌̊̄̽̈́͋̈́̔̆̈́̉̈́̍́̑̆̾̑̈́͛͐̈́͐̽̈̍͜͜͜͠͝ͅͅͅ that triggered this whole bullshit. But she didn’t know how or why. Ş̸͔͕̣̠̟͇̦͖̩̭̙̣̂͗͗̈́̐̽̽̍͐̍̌̾̄̀̾̓͆̉̓̆̀̄̀̋̀͆̋̾̽̐͊̅̓͋̐̈̉̅̀̒̅̎͊̅̉̉̎̋̍̽̂̄̔̆̀͊͌͌͗̑̆̌͋͆͂̽͑̅̐̇̽͊͊͘͘̚͘͘̚͝͝͠͝͝͝ͅa̷̢̢̛̜̹̩̳͚̤͈̼̤̽͂̿̈̌̌̉̈́͊̂͆̈̈̑̌̌͆̂̇͐̓̀́͌̒͆̏͑̂͆̆̓̅͗̉͒̇͗̔̈́̑̾̿̓́̑͗͒̀̓̄̅̒̈̀̅̀̾̑̅͊͘͘̚̚̕̚͠͠͝͠y̵̡̡̡̡̧̧̛̠̙̟̰͔̳̬̰̱̩̻̼͈͇͈͓̲̲͉̘̺͙̻̦͍͈̣̭̜̭͓͙̖͈̳̞͕̪͍͔̝̖͍̙̜̖͔͙̙̅̂͑́͗̅̈́͋͒̉̑͒̀͋́̓̏̋̅̇͆̊̂̔̑̅͋͒̃͋̇̈́͋̄̍̀͌̅̌̑̇̈̈́̆̒̀̑̌̏̾̇̔̋̀͑̐̽̈̒̊́͌͗͒̽̏̂͌̔̂͘̕̚͜͜͝͠o̷̧̡̨̢̧̧̳͇̝͕̙̘͇̤̟̻̻̳̦̦̰̤̟̳͚̥͙̭̩̮̅̈́̍̒̈́̃̀͋͗̐͊͆͂̏̒͆͗̀̋́̀̔̎͆̀̐̑̒̏̉̀̈̍͆͌̎̉̌͘̚͜͜͝͠͝͠r̵̡͕͇̞͙̖͑͑ḯ̶̧̨̧̢̢̢̢̢̡̨̛̛̫͓͈͎̯̟͕̖̞̟̥͚̺͈̻̫̠̩͍̫̣͎͉̲̰̲̳͍̯̼̪̻̰̤̖̗̯̠̪̪̙̥̫̟͎͕͖̤͍͙͈̀̈́͗̽͌̊̄̽̈́͋̈́̔̆̈́̉̈́̍́̑̆̾̑̈́͛͐̈́͐̽̈̍͜͜͜͠͝ͅͅͅ didn’t even exist anymore.

Why should she?


End file.
